Assassinatrix12
9:31:07 PM Canto: Yep! We're just gonna go ahead and move things ahead a couple weeks, with you guys out on the road again. You're hunting a monster, as you guys do. 9:32:50 PM Josephine: Josephine will kick his ass! Or hers. Or its! 9:37:30 PM Canto: The quarry this time is a werewolf. Or more precisely, a skinwalker. There are lots of different skinwalking traditions, and this one is one of the evil bad traditions that involves skinning people and animals. 9:38:44 PM Crow: Crow is not having with any of that, it makes us all look like assholes. 9:42:56 PM Canto: Yep. This is bad magic that would get people exiled and executed and the like. 9:50:58 PM Canto: So! You're driving the RV while felix is fidding with a crossbow. 9:54:30 PM Crow: Crow is nervous. 9:54:37 PM Crow: Crow doesn't know how to drive these things. 9:56:16 PM Canto: Jasper's right there! And you're on a fairly deserted backroad. 9:56:46 PM Canto: Driving to Montana! It's like ten in the evening. 9:57:46 PM Crow: Crow drives like an old lady. 9:57:53 PM Crow: I'm really better with horses... 10:08:18 PM Canto: Felix: Hmmm. An explodo-horse. 10:09:45 PM Crow: ... just regular ones! 10:11:29 PM Canto: Felix: Just thinking out loud. 10:11:46 PM Canto: Jasper: Felix, quit fidding with that thing and relieve poor Crow already. 10:20:36 PM Crow: I told you! I can't drive this thing! 10:22:01 PM Crow: It's huge! 10:22:03 PM Crow: Crow pulls over! 10:23:04 PM Canto: Felix: MAn, and I had faith in you and everything! 10:23:12 PM Canto: He clucks his tongue ruefully. 10:26:28 PM Canto: But he relieves you! "We have at least another day's travel before we get to the campground we're looking for anyway." 10:27:22 PM Crow: Crow sits copilot. 10:27:41 PM Crow: Sorry. It just makes me nervous. Like, I could kill someone! ... people who aren't awful! 10:30:01 PM Canto: Felix: It's not as bad as driving an eighteen-wheeler. 10:32:13 PM Crow: I would have a heart attack. 10:35:19 PM Canto: Felix: I had to drive one through a barn, once. 10:35:28 PM Canto: Ruby: I don't think you had to. 10:35:28 PM Crow: ... why? 10:37:34 PM Canto: Felix: The barn was very old, abandoned, and infested with woodwraiths. 10:37:41 PM Canto: Felix: So I smashed it. 10:37:58 PM Canto: Ruby: Again, I don't think it was necessary, Jasper had it all in hand. 10:38:16 PM Canto: Jasper: I did spend three hours cleansing the barn, Felix. 10:38:26 PM Canto: Felix: So it was purified before I smashed it. 10:42:26 PM Crow: It was extra pure after the smashing. 10:42:27 PM Crow: Right? 10:43:09 PM Canto: Felix: Purest rotting barn-splinters ever. 10:43:27 PM Canto: Felix: Anyway. It was easy to drive that thing. 10:43:32 PM Canto: Ruby: ... through a house. 10:44:09 PM Crow: ... I do not want to drive a thing through a house. 10:44:45 PM Canto: Felix: There are no houses on this road. It's deserted. 10:51:14 PM Crow: Well thank goodness! 10:55:12 PM Canto: Felix: So deserted I expect to get abducted by aliens any time now. 10:59:35 PM Crow: ... wait, are there aliens too? 11:03:50 PM Canto: Felix: Well, I think so. 11:03:58 PM Canto: Ruby: Out of our jurisdiction. 11:04:24 PM Canto: Jasper: We've never dealt with aliens, Crow. Felix believes in them, though. 11:06:09 PM Crow: Ruby, do you believe in 'em? 11:09:06 PM Canto: Ruby: I don't know. Maybe? I'm not sure. If they're out there, I dno't see why they'd care about us. 11:09:32 PM Canto: Felix: Oceans. Pizza. Musicals. 11:11:00 PM Crow: Good musicals. 11:18:13 PM Canto: Felix: Maybe since they're aliens they prefer bad ones. 11:18:30 PM Crow: That is a terrible thing to say, Felix. Terrible. 11:19:06 PM Canto: Felix: Maybe they've based their entire society around Stomp. 11:20:18 PM Crow: ... now I want to see that movie. And there isn't one. 11:24:35 PM Crow: You're a terrible person, Felix. Terrible. 11:24:59 PM Canto: Felix: Yep, that's the twist, I"ve been evil all along. 11:28:32 PM Crow: ALL ALONG. I demand you grow a goatee. 4:55:53 PM Canto: Felix: I look bad with a goatee. I've tried it. 4:56:24 PM Crow: Pics or it didn't happen. 4:57:52 PM Canto: Ruby: I think I have some on my phone. Hold on. 4:57:58 PM Canto: Felix: How dare you?! 5:00:46 PM Crow: Yessss. 5:00:53 PM Canto: Ruby shows you. He doesn't look bad with a goatee, but he does look fiendish. 5:02:45 PM Crow: Oh my god that's adorable! 5:04:31 PM Canto: Felix rolls his eyes. "You are the worrrrrrrsssst." 5:05:14 PM Crow: Okay, who votes that Felix should stop shaving? Besides me. 5:05:41 PM Canto: Felix: Hey, keep your laws off of my face. 5:07:07 PM Crow: Oh come on. I'll trade you for it. 5:12:27 PM Canto: Felix: Trade what? 5:15:17 PM | Edited 5:15:21 PM Canto: Felix: You wouldn't look good with a goatee. 5:15:32 PM Canto: Jasper: And with that, I'm going to bed. You driving all night? 5:15:41 PM Canto: Felix: Yeah, probably, I've had too much coffee. 5:18:28 PM Crow: You can choose my hair. Style and color. 5:21:33 PM Canto: Felix: Hmm. All right, then. 5:23:30 PM Crow: Yesssss. 5:23:38 PM Crow: You look like... an evil Seth Green! 5:25:14 PM Canto: Felix: ... I am not sure how to take that. 5:25:21 PM Canto: Ruby bursts into laughter! 5:26:00 PM Crow: Cuuuuuute! 5:26:47 PM Canto: Felix: If you do not start behaving I will drive this RV through a barn, I swear it! 5:27:12 PM Crow: Better you than me. 5:40:30 PM Canto: Felix: Okay. Hmm. It's a deal. I'll have to give some thought to this. 5:41:33 PM Crow: Crow grins. 5:41:40 PM Crow: Something cool, since you look awesome with a goatee. 5:49:24 PM Canto: Felix: Oh, don't worry, no mullets. 5:50:44 PM Crow: Good. They don't look good on me. At all. 5:52:30 PM Canto: Felix: ... speaking from experience? 5:53:45 PM Crow: Yep! 5:58:42 PM Canto: Ruby: .... why? 5:59:15 PM Crow: Gum. 6:00:42 PM Canto: Felix: That would do it, yes. That is the only allowable reason for a mullet, I feel. 6:01:42 PM Crow: Hockey players like 'em! 6:02:38 PM Canto: Felix: Fine, fine, hockey and gum. 6:06:27 PM Crow: Crow grins. 6:07:19 PM Canto: Ruby: I'm gonna go lay down, I think. Dont' let him fall asleep at the wheel, Crow. Cruise Control is not autopilot. 6:08:53 PM Crow: It sure isn't. 6:10:20 PM Canto: Ruby goes and lays down on own of the little folding beds. 6:12:54 PM Crow: Sorry I couldn't spell ya longer. 6:13:33 PM Canto: Felix: It's okay. The Explodomobile is a heavy responsibility. I knew the risks when I signed up. 6:16:20 PM Crow: Man. I didn't. Not the "One of my own governments is trying to kill me" bit anyway. 6:17:56 PM Canto: Felix: I don't think anyone's ready for that one. Any news on that front? Does Albert still have them looking in all the wrong places for you? 6:19:37 PM Crow: Think so. He hasn't said anything for a while, though. 6:19:47 PM Crow: Crow tries not to sound depressed about that, and probably fails. 6:22:19 PM Canto: Felix: You haven't heard from him in awhile? 6:22:49 PM Crow: Three whole days. 6:23:54 PM Canto: Felix: Oh. Well, that's not so bad. He does work ifor the government, after all. He's probably been busy with red tape. 6:27:43 PM Crow: I hope so. Well no, I hope he's enjoying a lovely vacation with kittens and puppies and pretty girls or boys or whatever he likes. 6:28:25 PM Canto: Felix: Could be. Have you tried texting him? 6:28:40 PM Crow: No. That could be dangerous. 6:29:23 PM Canto: Felix: Okay. Well, we usually would hear from him every couple of weeks or so. 6:30:20 PM Crow: Weeks?? Man. 6:32:23 PM Canto: Felix: Well, he just would feed us information for jobs. 6:32:46 PM Canto: Felix: Non-vampire jobs. 6:33:46 PM Crow: Crow gets big teary eyes and snuffles. 6:35:07 PM Canto: Felix frowns. "...sorry. I'm not very good at comforting people, am I?" 6:37:16 PM Crow: I just miiiiiiiiiiss him. 6:38:40 PM Canto: Felix: Yeah, I know. I'll make Jasper text him tomorrow. 6:41:28 PM Crow: Really? 6:42:16 PM Canto: Felix nods. "Indeed. Can't have you all sad." 6:44:23 PM Crow: ... okay. 6:44:25 PM Crow: Crow sniffles. 6:44:27 PM Crow: You're the best. 6:45:39 PM Canto: Felix: Well, Albert is the best. I'll settle for runner-up. 6:46:29 PM Crow: Albert is like my dad. You are not like my dad. 6:46:48 PM Canto: Felix: Well, that's a relief. 6:50:03 PM Crow: Crow snrks. 6:51:05 PM Canto: Felix: ...my chin is already itchy, thank you very much. 6:52:03 PM Crow: You don't have to. 6:52:18 PM Canto: Felix: Hey, we made a deal. 6:52:32 PM Canto: Felix: I just like to complain. 6:54:18 PM Crow: Oh, feel free then. Or we could sing something. Quietly. 6:55:04 PM Canto: Felix: Now you're speaking my language. You start us out. 6:57:32 PM Crow: Crow starts with Phantom of the Opera! Casting herself as the Phantom and Felix as Christine, because of course she does. 7:00:49 PM Canto: Felix goes along with it! "Not my favorite Weber, but I can roll with it." 7:02:02 PM Crow: Crow will switch afterward to Jesus Christ Superstar. 7:02:20 PM Canto: He likes that one better! 7:05:19 PM Crow: You make a great Jesus! 7:07:10 PM Canto: Felix: I have always said that. 7:07:24 PM Canto: Felix: Mostly the others just roll their eyes at me. 7:08:29 PM Crow: You'd be better as Judas. That is the starring part. 7:10:22 PM Canto: Felix: True. 7:10:39 PM Canto: Felix: Maybe once my goatee grows in. 7:11:17 PM Crow: Crow snrks. 7:11:22 PM Crow: Okay, now you pick. 7:15:52 PM Canto: Felix starts singing some Gilbert and SUllivant! HMS Pinafore, probably. 7:18:09 PM Crow: Crow can sing that! She has to mumble some of the words though, since she doesn't know them all. 7:24:48 PM Canto: Felix knows the words! 7:34:08 PM Crow: Crow is familiar with the big songs at the very least. And probably an assortment of the others. 7:34:16 PM Crow: Crow will make him switch to Guys and Dolls after a while. 7:34:30 PM Crow: We gotta teach Ruby or Jasper to sing, then we can do Fugue for Tinhorns. 7:44:28 PM Canto: Felix: Jasper can't sing. I've tried! 7:44:35 PM Crow: Ruby, then! 7:46:54 PM Canto: Felix: Ruby doesn't sing unless you get her drunk or just whine at her enough. So she's a possiblity. 7:48:17 PM Crow: Awesommmmme. 7:50:17 PM Crow: So, you and guns. Should we be jealous? 7:54:27 PM Canto: Felix: Who's 'we'? 7:56:08 PM Crow: Me and Ruby? 8:03:20 PM Canto: Felix: Oh, probably not. There are many different kinds of affection. 8:03:47 PM Crow: Prrrrobably. 8:04:14 PM Crow: Don't look 'cause I don't wanna die in the Explodemobile, but I'm waggling my eyebrows at you lasciviously right now. 8:06:45 PM Canto: Felix: oh really. Well. I don't know. Can you turn into a sniper rifle? THen you might be the perfect woman. 8:07:00 PM Crow: Nah, I'm an almost-all-organic killin' machine. 8:07:40 PM Canto: Felix: Have you tried spitting bullets at monsters? You never know till you try. 8:10:08 PM Crow: That's what I love about you, you're so optimistic. 8:13:34 PM Canto: Felix: I've tried. I don't have that particular power. 8:14:45 PM Crow: You'd miss the guns anyway. 8:16:53 PM Canto: Felix: Yeah, most likely. But it would be nice for the backup. 8:18:14 PM Crow: True! 8:25:54 PM Canto: You drive through the night, stopping in a small Montana town the next morning for breakfast and for Felix to get a nap in. 8:26:40 PM Crow: Crow will probably nap with Felix, since she did keep him awake. 8:29:46 PM Canto: Easy enough! You're getting pretty close to the campground where they found the first bodies. 8:35:16 PM Crow: Crow will probably wake up when Felix does. Maybe. 8:40:16 PM Canto: You do! Jasper and Ruby brought you donuts and also coffee. 8:40:51 PM Crow: Mmm. I love everyone. 8:42:52 PM Canto: Felix takes a jelly donut. "So, what do we know about our monster?" 8:43:28 PM Canto: Jasper takes out a notebook. "Not much. Might even be some non-magical serial killer. I wont' know until we find any ritual sites in the area." 8:46:52 PM Crow: That's how you tell? 8:50:38 PM Canto: Jasper: Well, I'm hoping that with you along, you'll be able to sense something amiss. 8:53:38 PM Crow: Right, tricorder duty! Gotcha. 8:54:03 PM Canto: Felix: How's your beeping? 8:58:21 PM Crow: Hmm. 8:58:24 PM Crow: Nothin' yet. 8:58:32 PM Crow: Hailing frequencies open... 8:58:36 PM Crow: Crow tries to "listen" for it. 9:01:36 PM Canto: Felix: I mean, how are you at beeping? Beep faster if there's magic! 9:01:43 PM Canto: Roll a d10! 9:03:00 PM | Edited 9:03:05 PM Crow: ((1 ahahaha.)) 9:05:13 PM Canto: You get nothing right now! 9:05:44 PM Crow: Nothing yet. 9:14:23 PM Canto: Jasper: Hopefullly you'll pick up something when we get closer. 9:14:35 PM Canto: Jasper: .. or, you know, ideally you wouldn't, but you know what I mean. 9:14:54 PM Canto: Ruby: It'll be nice to know what falls into our jurisdiction and what doesn't. 9:15:50 PM Crow: Yeah, no joke. 9:17:00 PM Canto: Ruby: We've spent more hours than I like to admit chasing what turned out to be a completely human psychopath or a maddened animal. 9:17:33 PM Crow: Well I hope you still thumped 'em on the head or whatever. 9:18:55 PM Canto: Ruby: Oh, sure. But we prefer to leave things to the authorities wherever possibly. 8:52:32 PM Canto: You were in a small town in Montana, not far from the National Park where several human and animal corpses have been found skinned. 8:53:44 PM Crow: :) 8:54:46 PM Canto: ANd you were discussing this over donuts and coffee. 8:58:14 PM Crow: Crow loves her some coffee. 9:00:25 PM Crow: So, werewolves? 9:02:05 PM Canto: Jasper: This doesn't feel like werewolves. They don't skin people. According to the forensics, the victims were found sans skin, but the only.... bites taken out of them were done by local wildlife after the bodies had been dumped. 9:02:42 PM Crow: Skinwalkers are a thing, though? 9:03:22 PM Canto: Jasper: We've never fought one, but there's plenty of reports of people that learn to change their shape by stealing the skins and shapes of others. 9:07:15 PM Crow: Literally, ew. 9:11:04 PM Canto: Jasper: Yes. And this is pretty ugly magic. As you can imagine. 9:13:10 PM Canto: Felix: ... so what bodies have been found? 9:13:29 PM Canto: Jasper: I don't know. I haven't been able to get a list or anything. At least one bear, though. 9:14:41 PM Crow: Not people? 9:15:13 PM Canto: Jasper: There have been human victims, yes. Five. But I don't know who they are. 9:24:45 PM Crow: Well, we're gonna have to find that out. 9:26:54 PM Canto: Jasper: I'm going to do that before we head out to the campground. You kids hold the fort down, and try not to blow anything iup. 9:29:04 PM Crow: Okay. ... you sure you're okay on your own? 9:32:19 PM Canto: Jasper: Oh, I'll be fine. I'm just going to go down to the police station and have a poke about. 9:35:35 PM Crow: Well, all right. 9:35:37 PM Crow: Crow smiles. 9:35:48 PM Crow: But eat a donut, you'll need to keep your strength up! 9:35:53 PM Canto: Felix: Jasper's basically a spy. 9:38:01 PM Crow: In that case you should take the donuts. Cops love donuts, right? Then again, who doesn't. 9:39:52 PM Canto: Jasper smiles, and grabs a cruller. "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." 9:40:02 PM Canto: Ruby: so we should be ready to bail you out, is what you're saying. 9:45:22 PM Crow: I won't, I'll just visit and heckle. 9:45:35 PM Canto: Jasper rolls his eyes and departs! 9:48:28 PM Canto: Felix: He's very good at getting information, really. If I didn't know better Id think he was using sorcery himself. 9:49:28 PM Crow: Maybe he is! 9:50:57 PM Canto: Felix: He's just really good with people. All that secret Jesuit training, I suspect. 9:51:20 PM Crow: Or he's a ninja. 9:58:52 PM Canto: Felix: Jesuit ninja. 9:59:47 PM Crow: A Jesuit ninja? Yes. 10:02:47 PM Canto: Ruby: He is really good with people though. We're not kidding when we say he's basically a spy. 10:09:28 PM Crow: 'cause he's awesome! 10:14:53 PM Canto: Ruby:: He's the best. 10:19:23 PM Crow: Except for you guys. Yep. 10:21:22 PM Canto: Ruby: That goes without saying. 10:21:29 PM Canto: Ruby: I thought. 8:17:47 PM Canto: Jasper went off to talk to the police! Leaving you unattended with Ruby and Felix. 8:27:16 PM Canto: Felix: It's a good thing Jasper has social skills. Ruby and I really don't. 8:27:28 PM Crow: I do! ... for certain values of skills. 8:29:47 PM Canto: Felix: Oh! Well. Good, that makes two of us, then! 8:30:10 PM Canto: Felix: Fully half of us capable of being social. 8:31:31 PM Crow: Hee. 8:31:50 PM Crow: Crow waggles her eyebrows. 8:34:37 PM Canto: Felix: Well. Maybe one and a half? 8:35:12 PM Crow: I no longer love you, Felix. 8:35:16 PM Crow: Crow sticks her tongue out. 8:35:40 PM Canto: Felix: Hey, that half is still a whole half more than we had. 8:42:11 PM Crow: This is true. 8:45:52 PM Canto: Ruby: A whole half? Another exhibit in the case of Math vs. Felix. 8:49:40 PM Crow: Open and shut case. 8:51:05 PM Canto: Ruby: Math hates Felix. There's a lot of bad blood. 8:52:58 PM Crow: How much is literal? 8:53:50 PM Canto: Felix: I refuse to show my work. 8:53:59 PM Canto: Felix: We live in a world of computers and calculators. 8:54:27 PM Crow: This is true! 8:54:37 PM Crow: So, Jasper's gone. The cat's away... 8:55:22 PM Canto: Felix: It's too early for a bender. 8:57:09 PM Crow: I was thinking less booze and more threesome! 9:00:56 PM Canto: Ruby blushes! 9:01:08 PM Canto: Felix: I'm game. 9:03:13 PM Crow: I've never done it like that before though so it's probably gonna be hilariously awkward. 9:04:14 PM Canto: Felix: I think we'll probably need a complicated suspension system. 9:06:01 PM Crow: Or just patience and sweet sweet lovin'! 9:13:49 PM Canto: Felix: I do hope you meant with us and not with two strangers off the street. 9:14:27 PM Crow: Ew. No. 9:15:58 PM Canto: Felix: ... 'Ew. No' to us? Or to the strangers? 9:16:33 PM Crow: To strangers, duh! 9:20:49 PM Canto: Felix: I feel like I needed specificity. You already delcared your undying unlove for me. 9:22:14 PM Crow: You can try to change my mind! If Ruby lets you. 9:22:51 PM Canto: Felix: Ruby is not my keeper! 9:22:56 PM Canto: Ruby is still blushing. 9:23:32 PM Crow: Well. You wanna, Ruby? 9:28:31 PM Canto: RubyL Quietly meeps an affirmative. 9:28:47 PM Crow: Woohoo! Aww, she's blushing, that's so cute. 9:28:51 PM Canto: Felix: ... wow, you're finally speechless. Good work, Crow! 9:29:25 PM Crow: Cuuuuuuuute. 9:29:32 PM Crow: Crow pulls her shirt off! Curtain curtain curtain! 9:30:21 PM Canto: Indeeeed.